I signed up, shouldn't you?
Wednesday 22 October 2008
8 guys you need for a successful beer-league team...
It's a well-known fact that there are only two seasons in Canada: summer and hockey. According to long-standing tradition, the former starts with the hoisting of the Stanley Cup, as fans in an American city celebrate. The latter officially kicks off after Labour Day weekend.
In fact, there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of managers across Canada who will spend the long weekend making personnel decisions in time for the September dawn of a new season. Granted, the majority of these managers are in charge of teams with names like 'Old Puckers', 'Rusty Blades', 'Just the Tips' and 'Nine-Inch Males,' but don't be fooled; beer-league hockey squads can be downright tricky to put together. As with any successful organization, you need the right mix, and that means drafting from the following beer-league player
categories:
Which one are you???
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the 'DD' Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. 'Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift.'
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
In fact, there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of managers across Canada who will spend the long weekend making personnel decisions in time for the September dawn of a new season. Granted, the majority of these managers are in charge of teams with names like 'Old Puckers', 'Rusty Blades', 'Just the Tips' and 'Nine-Inch Males,' but don't be fooled; beer-league hockey squads can be downright tricky to put together. As with any successful organization, you need the right mix, and that means drafting from the following beer-league player
categories:
Which one are you???
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the 'DD' Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. 'Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift.'
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.
So your having a bad day !!!
This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat and is from North Africa .
So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:
You could look like a dick with buck teeth.
So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:
You could look like a dick with buck teeth.
Thursday 2 October 2008
PHL Address and Phone Numbers
If you've changed your email, address or phone number in the past two years please forward that information along to me at prescotthockey(at)gmail.com. It will be used for the CARHA Hockey insurance which will be purchased by mid October.
Thanks
Thanks
PHL Blog
Two Things --
First - let me know if you're reading the blog by send an email to prescotthockey(at)gmail.com just so I can tell which email address you're reading it from.
Secondly - if you want something posted for you, your team or for the league just send it along and I'll post it.
First - let me know if you're reading the blog by send an email to prescotthockey(at)gmail.com just so I can tell which email address you're reading it from.
Secondly - if you want something posted for you, your team or for the league just send it along and I'll post it.
PHL Trades and Team Composition
On September 27th Brian L.(Red), Brian S.(Black) and Larry M. (White) [effectively three fifth's of your executive] held a meeting and made the following moves and placements. Should you have any concerns please contact Larry or the Brain's.
Your League is now Full !!
Gold Team
Glen B.
Richard F.
Don F.
Dave L.
Michel (Cheech) L.
Jim L.
Steve M.
Kent M.
Tom T.
Mark T.
Sonny W.
White Team
Geordie A.
Gilbert B.
Ed B.
Mark C. (new this year)
Mike G.
Rob H.
Luc L. (new this year - moves from black)
Larry M.
John S.
Grant T.
Wayne W.
Red Team
Eric B. (new this year)
Stephane C.
Christian G.
Jean G.
Bill Kn.
Bill Ke.
Rob L.
William L.
Jean L.
Brian L.
Jeff M.
Black Team
James C.
Sean D.
Dave L. (moves from Red to Black)
Mike M. (new this year)
Craig M.
Andre M.
Michel P.
Mike P.
Brian S.
Dwayne T. (returning from previous years)
Randy W. (returning from previous years)
Your League is now Full !!
Gold Team
Glen B.
Richard F.
Don F.
Dave L.
Michel (Cheech) L.
Jim L.
Steve M.
Kent M.
Tom T.
Mark T.
Sonny W.
White Team
Geordie A.
Gilbert B.
Ed B.
Mark C. (new this year)
Mike G.
Rob H.
Luc L. (new this year - moves from black)
Larry M.
John S.
Grant T.
Wayne W.
Red Team
Eric B. (new this year)
Stephane C.
Christian G.
Jean G.
Bill Kn.
Bill Ke.
Rob L.
William L.
Jean L.
Brian L.
Jeff M.
Black Team
James C.
Sean D.
Dave L. (moves from Red to Black)
Mike M. (new this year)
Craig M.
Andre M.
Michel P.
Mike P.
Brian S.
Dwayne T. (returning from previous years)
Randy W. (returning from previous years)
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